Hesitancy

One of the reasons I wanted to start a blog was to have a place where I could talk about Natalie if I wanted. There are just a handful of people in my life with whom I can freely discuss her without being nervous that I am making them feel awkward. And even if the conversation wouldn't make them feel awkward, sometimes I feel like stillbirth and the following grief and memories aren't always the most delightful conversation topics.

As I begin to think of posting about her I am hesitant. I love her so much, and it is hard to understand how I will communicate what a beautiful part of my life she is. However, one of the hurts of stillbirth is that your child is gone from the minds of many long before you are ready to be done thinking, remembering, and speaking of her.

By posting about her here, I am allowing complete strangers to read about her, and my fear is that it would seem as though I am trying to garner an emotional response to gain readership. Please know that would never be the case; a post about Natalie or my grief over losing her is just another post about one of my children - me sharing what is going on in my life.

So I will post about her from time to time. It will be a change of pace from my usual, silly stuff. You can choose to read or not read, and I like that. If you are a reader who is also my friend, I consider it an honor to share more of her with you. If you do not know me personally, I hope I will be able to convey the scope of the work God did and continues to do in my life by allowing my daughter to be born in Heaven five years ago.